Work in progress!
My style has changed quite a bit from when I've last made a commission sheet. But if you still would like to commission me, here is what i can offer and my prices. Keep in mind i only take payment through Paypal now.
Instagram: @cl0wnya
Discord: clown#6006
Youtube:wahey ,!!
Paypal: aveainthere
I am writing this so I wouldn't have to keep on explaining what has happened to me.when I was around 8-9 my mom hired a maid, she was pretty good until one day we noticed items and money going missing. This lead to a dispute between my mother and father, my father was the households only source of money because he was on a pension, and he was threatening to go back to Australia, having accused my mom of stealing his money, and being a 'gold-digger', which, she was.This lead to my mother being extremely fed up, and I saw her rush out of my dad's room to upstairs where I had a feeling she was going to do something bad. I saw her holding a gun and I rushed to her to get it out of her hands, that was my first time trying to save someone from a life-threatening situation, and is part of the cause I developed a complex, a need to save anyone and everyone or else I'm a 'failure' but over the years, this has dulled down as life became more and more meaningless to me. I now have trouble helping people vent because I have begun to find no meaning in feeling sorrowful, this is not to say I don't want to help, I still do want to help people as best as I can, since I'm still familiar with the feeling of absolute despair.in school, I was bullied for being overweight, stupid, and mixed-race, and that was the start of my mental decline. elementary was when I started self-harming.Fast forward a couple of years. when I was 10, as my dad was going up the stairs, he tripped on himself, and this would be the green light for all the problems to rush through. It marked the beginning of my family's downfall. It was fine until we noticed his growing difficulty in everything. Mind that my dad was 80.As this was going on, my mom had a store she tended to, nearby was a boarding house of construction workers that frequented my mom's store for drinks. Here an asshole that we'll refer to by J, took an interest in my mom and her wealth, but she was too blind to see that. J got close to my mom, he was good at repairing things so eventually he was invited in to repair things here and there, and as my dad's condition got worse, my mom started asking him for help around the house, at which point, he'd already been secretly living in my house. My dad couldn't walk on his own anymore, so he was there to carry him around ( we did not have a wheelchair yet.)My dad was diagnosed with diabetes, depression and dementia (hey 3 D's!) more specifically Alzheimer's, he also had an irregular heartbeat and a multitude of other things wrong with him that I've long forgotten. He had to be under someone's care 24/7 as he couldn't do anything for himself anymore. I took care of him, I didn't want him to die while I was only 11, I took care of him harder as I noticed my mom's affair with J, to me it seemed like she was abandoning her husband for a good for nothing drug addicted alcoholic.And then he died, surprising. It was
5am, the day after father's day 2016. He said he wanted to go somewhere, we propped him up to his wheelchair, asked where, and he pointed to the sky, I thought he wanted to go piss, so I wheeled him over, and he said "No, there." Pointing up to the sky. Confused, I wheeled him back into the bedroom, and he died on the chair, in my care. I watched as my mom desperately tried to resuscitate him, screaming I could drive us to the hospital, but the only name she begged for under her breath was J, who at the time was in another city. You can imagine how betrayed I felt, that even at her husband's time of death, she chose a cunt, over me, who was standing right in front of her.J still lived in my house after my dad's death, and since my family's source of income was trapped in a casket, we went broke, it was, devastating. I knew it wouldn't be long before we wouldn't be able to afford to keep the lights on, put food on the table, or anything. 2018 was the worst year of my life. My mom tried to hold onto the last bit of money she had and tried to start a business. it failed.My family became a subject of verbal and sexual abuse. Our animals were also beaten and abused by J, killed even. Me and my sister have already been subjected to multiple years of verbal and physical abuse from our mother, but compared to what J did to us, it was nothing.These actions don't affect me as much as they used to, but they still anger me somewhat to know that my mother would rather stand by a child molester, than her own children that have been molested. First it was my 9 year old sister, who I woke up to shaking and crying because she was molested by J. I couldn't believe it, I thought he was a good man with good intentions. I told my mom, She believed J who said it was the dog who touched my sister. You see my mom isn't the smartest.My sister has been molested multiple more times but I don't remember the specific situations. I first got molested when I was 13, he touched my chest as I laid next to my mom. I think I've already been molested before that by him but I forgot, I don't remember, but that's the first instance I recall. It took me a few months to tell my mother, but when I did, I opened up with " please don't be angry at me for what I'm about to say," as if it was my fault I've been molested. She only told me " cover up" but even when I did, he still molested me.J and my mom fought a lot because of financial issues, he'd hurt her, wreck our things, beat our dogs [who he knew I relied on for comfort], break and trash our car, break the door and the windows, the walls, and other property, but after every fight they'd get back together, even when my mom called the cops on him. I felt myself break more and more. I remember the betrayal I felt, I remember feeling alone, like I didn't have a mother anymore, I hate how I let myself trust her after every betrayal, now I no longer do.We resorted to selling street food, and for a bit crystal meth, neither we got much out of, because J would steal our money to feed his addiction and he'd consume the meth. Mind you, I was juggling school and work, while J did barely anything because he said it was a " woman's job" to work. Also J is transphobic and homophobic, and has shamed me for my identity.J would frequently yell at me and my sister for " not working hard enough", have I mentioned forcing minors to work is illegal in the Philipines? He'd break my and my sister's things if he saw our work as insufficient, I only had my phone to keep me company and he almost broke that [ he broke everything else to keep me away from my phone, blaming it for my incompetence]During the start of this pandemic, we were dirt poor, and I stole to feed my dogs and my mom, then we sold the house, we moved to the mountains 4 hours away, where J's family lives, we're still here, and it was breaking my point. I had to leave my friends and good relatives behind [my grandma took us in every time things were going rough, like when our electricity was cut off or we couldn't eat, she was the only good thing throughout all that] to rot here where's no one lives. We're still in poverty, and our pets still get beaten, my mom's still with her boyfriend, we're still being abused but our rooms have doors now.[Update as of November; 11, 2021 he got drunk and began to beat up my mom while I was asleep. This made her yell for help and my sister woke me up so we had to pry him off my mom and actually physically fight him. My sister ran out to get help so I was left with my mom and him and he refused to leave the house. Me and my mom tried to call help a few times and no one answered, but my sister hadn't come back yet so we went to the neighbors and called help on their phone, the barangay captain and kagawads took him away and I haven't seen him since then but I'm wary and I don't really expect this freedom to last long.][Update as of January; 22, 2023 He was only out for a month lmao, he's living with us again and is still an asshole.]Nothing fazes me, I have no triggers, but I'd like everyone to know this as it may explain some of my unusual behavior. I feel like I'm missing something but these are the main things that has had happened
BYF
im not always online. I'm mostly doing my own little thing irl facing demons n such idk,, but don't let this discourage you from following/messaging me or anything, having someone to talk to always makes life a bit fun and interesting and id love to talk, esp abt my interest.
DNI
- If you condone any kind of abuse. [Exception being if the victims actually deserves it, ex; abusing Pedo's, serial killers, etc] If you do not respect others, you yourself dont deserve any.
- Racists, ableist, homophobes, transphobes etc. Just those that discriminate against people for what they cant change and for who they are.- "neo pronouns arent real!!!!" shut the fuck up and let people identify how they want to identify as long as its not doing any harm. Lifes short and painful, let people enjoy it a bit.
- If you in anyway are attracted to minors [if youre someone above 18] or animals
- if you romanticize/sexualize self-harm, suicide and mental illness, actually just stop. Maybe its how you cope but keep in mind just bc its how you cope doesn't make it any valid, keep that to yourself, get help. Your actions may influence others and make them think that's alright, and that its a fun quirky thing to be in constant pain bc its this oh so romantic/sexual thing. no its not Get help. And if that's not a option, find a better coping mechanism. Open your mind, the worlds a wide place, and there can be help and better ways to cope than making your brain think these things are okay, while simultaneously influencing those around you who are also suffering.
RP INFO AND RULES
Literacy
Please no asterisks, My literacy level is Lit-advanced Lit, but i don't mind semi-lit as long as we're exchanging at least a paragraph, and for the love of god, im actually going to choke you if you send one-liners.
Rules
Please no abuse or harm to anyone especially children and animals if it isn't in any way relevant to the plot.
I am not willing to RP minors, incest, pedophilia and beastiality, if you are, dont interact with me ever and turn yourself in to the nearest police station.
Also i will be saying in advance if i wont be able to reply to the RP or if i wish not to continue it anymore, and i encourage you to do the same.
What I'm alright with
I love angst and smut the most, the more graphic and fucked the rp is, the more i love it, the limitations being only as those stated in the rules. But ofc i love fluff too, i am open to anything, just dm me about it either on insta or discord.
Addional Information
I am willing to rp OCs but also fandom stuff! To see the fandoms im into, peep my Instagram, or simply dm me and we can discuss things.
as if im giving you a choice.